hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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