my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
