So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
