i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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