Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
