the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
