We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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