Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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