don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
