ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
