I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
