Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
