I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
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I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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