Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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