I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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