Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
