Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
