I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
