i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
