Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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