i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
worst night to have a conscience
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When are your genitals available?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
