Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
