Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
