Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
