Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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