haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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