This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
