i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
