I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
