You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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