I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
