ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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