My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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