Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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