I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
