Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
