come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
