We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
