thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
