He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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