just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have aggressive nipples.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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