I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
