I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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