Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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