Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
