i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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