And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
