You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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