She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
