you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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