i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
