it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why are your pants in the freezer?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
