How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
