Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
