can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
whose parrot is this?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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