last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
