Yo dont text me then not text me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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