I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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