can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
