I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
