We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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