I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
