i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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