I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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