Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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