I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
