My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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