Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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