shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
