Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
