I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
