She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
