You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
