I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
