He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
