He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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