Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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