I need to stop coming to work sober
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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