I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize