I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
