wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
