You kept calling me your small dog last night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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